What member of the Triad are you?

Pick the answer that most describes you.

1) What do you carry in the trunk of your car?
	Jazzercise Tapes A Fire Extinguisher A chisel to remove cookie snot from the leather seats in the Rover.
	Lots of baggage Do-it-yourself DNA mini Lab in case I meet a stranger who looks like me An axe and a change of underwear A copy of The Primal Wound and a can of gasoline Stadium Pal Matches
	Motorcycles and trailers don't have trunks! You are oppressing me as a natural mother!!!
	A bat An adoption attorney $40,000 in cash.... P.S. we have a lovely, safe SUV with a baby seat just waiting for your baby!
	A change of license plates A credit card machine A dozen pre-notarized relinquishment contracts Lots of cash An EPT test A rabbit if the EPT test is negative A hatchet to kill the damn rabbit if it won't die.
	Guilt...lots of guilt Cement blocks for weighing down file cabinets that contain adoptee records Duct tape More duct tape Colored duct tape.
2) What are the staples in your fridge?
	Makings for a Jimmy Carter Casserole Viva low-fat cottage cheese Pickle and Pimento Loaf A selection of fine cheeses Egg-beaters.
	Other people's leftovers Mad Dog 20/20 Something that looks like a rejected science project.
	Government cheese and peanut butter Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill...because the Merlot is stored in the garage.
	NOT wine in a box!! P.S. we have a nice stainless steel refrigerator filled with healthy snacks for our...er...your baby!
	More license plates I have to hide all that cash somewhere Veal. Loads of veal.
	Mayonnaise, bologna and white bread.
3) When is it acceptable to coerce your pregnant daughter into relinquishing her parental rights?
	If the birthfather is stupid and ugly
	If it makes you look bad to your meal ticket
	Only if you can blame it on the resepshunist
	Never
4) What are your favorite movies?
	We prefer the theatre or the Opera. Our child is taking Opera lessons. On the pony.
	Anything with Shirley Temple tap dancing her way into a fantasy adoptive home. The Bad Seed Firestarter Natural Born Killers Rosemary's Baby
	The Other Mother The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Handmaid's Tale
	Million Dollar Baby The Baby Dance Casa de los babys P.S. We have a closet full of Disney, Sesame Street, and educational DVDs just waiting for your baby!
	The Great Escape Cheaper By The Dozen Jerry MacGuire Baby Boom
	The Witches of Eastwick Even Cowgirls Get the Blues Arsenic and Old Lace
5) What are your favorite songs?
	Anything by Crosby, Steals, Snatch em Young You Can't Always Get What You Want Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better) Chet Baker's version of "The Thrill is Gone"
	Seasons in the Sun. Don't ask or I'll have to kill you. Slave hand songs.....spirituals....Swing Low, Sweet Chariot Love Child I saw it on the "Chapelle Show." It's called "I Want To Piss On You." That really spoke to me. Sunny Came Home
	Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw? Anything by Joni Mitchell. She's the only one who understands how I feel.
	Impossible Dream Gettin' Jiggy Wit' It Somewhere Out There P.S. We have all the Baby Mozart CD's just waiting for your baby!
	For The Love Of Money Money, Money, Money Money (That's What I Want) The Devil Went Down To Georgia
	It wouldn't be right of me to tell you, as that might be a breach of third party confidentiality.
6) How do you feel about Safe Havens?
	They deprive fathers of their parental rights.
	They strip the babies of all medical, genetic and familial history.
	They encourage mothers to go without prenatal care, therefore endangering her health and the health of her unborn child.
	Safe Havens are a tool of the adoption industry to insure non-bureaucratic placement in response to recent open-records legislation.
	As long as it saves one baby, who gives a rat's ass about the rest?
7) When you entertain, what do you serve, from appetizer to dessert?
	Some nice pigs-in-a-blanket holiday stew. We make it out of those baby beef sticks dyed red! Yummy--then we wrap them in seaweed (because we're health conscious), then we wrap bacon around the seaweed. Then you bake all of this in butterscotch pudding. It's to die for! And Bourbon. Lots of Bourbon.
	Liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti, fftfftfftfftffft Doobie, cheetos, another doobie, doritos, prozac with a doobie chaser, some tortilla chips, beer. For dessert, "humble pie," because I'm supposed to be eternally grateful for my bmom's sacrifice and my aparents taking me into their home even though I'm a little bastard.
	How dare you.. Why am I expected to just "role over" and disclose all? Why am I not respected?
	The best of everything! P.S. Our home is constantly filled with family and friends. In fact, every Sunday our parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews come to our house for dinner after Church. Yet with all the wonderful noise, light and love, there is still and empty place. Won't you help us fill it?
	We only entertain clients at restaurants in states other than our own. * *Food Costs Extra
	As if anyone would come.
8) What is your ideal Saturday Night activity?
	Rebirthing Therapy
	Getting shit-faced and reading alt.adoption. I just can't get enough angst! Getting shit-faced and mistaking the ottoman for the toilet. Getting shit-faced and setting the kitchen on fire while making grilled cheese. Getting shit-faced.
	Spending time on various support boards and email lists, talking to other women whose babies were abducted. They really understand what I am going through.
	Trying one last time. P.S. Our house has a cozy fireplace (with a babyguard!) and we love to curl up in front of it on weekends with Bingo, our child-friendly Golden Retriever. Yet something is missing...our baby. YOUR baby. Won't you help us complete our family circle?
	Counting my money Arranging dates for minor females Rigging EPT test kits for false positives Replacing the illegal "I CAN HELP YOU ADOPT REAL QUICK" ads I put up last Saturday that the iVillage Parenting Board moderators keep taking down.
	It wouldn't be right of me to tell you and that might be a breach of third party confidentiality.
9) What movie was Christopher Walken NOT in?
	Pulp Fiction
	The Country Bears
	The Dead Zone
	Who Shot Roger Rabbit?
	Who is Christopher Walken and what does he have to do with adoption?
10) What are your favorite gifts?
	We don't send gifts. We already got the kid. Oh, you mean for us? Anything made by my child.
	That pony I'm still waiting for.
	I didn't give the ADOPTERS a gift. Rather, I gave MY CHILD the gift of parents. Except they're not parents and never will be.
	The one our birthmother will give us.
	Gifts Cost Extra
	Canadian Cheese and Quackers. When you can rip a newborn from its teen-aged, loving but confused and easily coerced mother, every day is Christmas!
11) What are your favorite books?
	Little Golden Adoption Books.
	Lemony Snickett's "A Series of Unfortunate Events" Why Birthdays Aren't Important How To Find Your Own Inner Daddy The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers 7 Steps To Nighttime Dryness
	Nice Girls Do
	How To Build Your Own Dungeon and Idiots Guide to Midwifing at Home Safe Havens Can Save You How to Buy Your Baby Abroad P.S. We are voracious readers, and education is so important to us. We already have a complete library waiting for your baby -- from Mother Goose to the Little House books to the entire Harry Potter series. We are looking forward to bedtime stories with your baby, curled in our laps as we cuddle in a rocking chair.
	How to Assume a New Identity
	The Fact Book III Wake Up Little Susie -- for the nostalgia factor